Playing House
by YaoiAnimeHunter
Summary: Modern AU! Zoro, Sanji, Mihawk, Shanks, Luffy, Law, Ace, Smoker, Perona, Nami, Nojiko, Robin and Franky. Shanks, Ace, Mihawk and Robin have been pestering Zoro to get a lover, unfortunately there is nothing normal about their family and their 'help' only makes things worse for Zoro and Sanji. Pairing: Yaoi, Het and Yuri. Genre: Romance, Family, Drama, Humor. Prompts also accepted
1. AN

PLAYING HOUSE

One Piece Modern Au fic

CHARACTERS

1. Roronoa Zoro – Son of Dracule Mihawk, CEO of Roronoa Sports, Heir to Dracule Ent. 27yrs

2. Dracule Mihawk – Father of Roronoa Zoro, CEO of Dracule Ent. 43yrs

3. Robin – Zoro's partner, mother of Angel, Zoro's best friend/older sister, Franky's wife. 32yrs

4. Smoker – Vice Admiral of the Navy, Zoro's cousin, Ace Fiancé. 36yrs

5. Shanks – Mihawk lover, God father to Ace and Luffy. 37yrs

6. Ace – Model and Actor, Luffy's brother, Zoro's best friend. 28yrs

7. Luffy – Student at GLU, Law's boyfriend. 22yrs

8. Trafalgar Law – Head surgeon at Heart Hospital, Luffy's boyfriend. 27yrs

9. Perona – Mihawk's adopted daughter, Model and Fashion designer. 25yrs

10. Nojiko – Chopper's 'mother', Zoro's friend, Perona's future Lover. 27yrs

11. Chopper – Zoro's son. 5yrs

12. Nami – Chopper's real mother, Sanji's girlfriend, Thief. 25yrs

13. Sanji – Sous chef at Baratie. 25yrs

14. Angel – Robin's daughter, Zoro's God daughter. 6yrs

Pairing (SmoAce, MiShanks, LawLu, Zosan, Frobin) a bit of (Zoro x Nami, Sanji x Nami)

Genre ( Romance, Humor, Drama)

· Note: Zoro and Nami had a drunken one night stand on Zoro last day in college resulting in Chopper.

· Nami wasn't ready to have a kid so her sister Nojiko took the responsibility of taking care of chopper and chopper thinks Nojiko is his mother.

·

· Mihawk had Zoro when he was 16 as a result of well... teenage hormones.

Mihawk did not willingly adopt Perona, she practically adopted him as her fathe


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One** – Family Dinners is another code for Battlefields.

Mihawk sometimes liked to reflect on his past and compared it to the present; he had gone from a quiet man who enjoyed his peace to a man who had a loud, mischievous family who enjoyed causing trouble. He blamed it on his loud lover Shanks, his son Zoro who had refused to get a lover and Perona who had adopted him as her father (?)

They had a tradition where one a month everyone showed up for dinner, his once peaceful three person dinner had turned into a feast of eleven people. The dinner was a sort of family bonding event that was mandatory and no one dare miss it unless they wanted a certain red haired man hunting them down.

That was how he found himself in the dining room with what looked like a circus act – Perona called it her masterpiece; someone had to tell the pink haired lady that her cooking skills were only good for sending one to the hospital, and God knows it wouldn't be him. Last time he tried that his wine went missing and she had convinced shanks that his liver was weak; his wonderful lover went into nurse mood and announced to the public that he was terminally ill with some kind of liver infection. He spent months trying to convince his lover to let him have a glass of wine, and the said lover concluded that he was addicted to alcohol.

The rest of their 'family' looked at the colored 'substance' on their plate which Perona had called food, each was reluctant to eat, even Luffy whose stomach was a black hole was afraid of the food, the rice was pink, the eggs looked like a rainbow pooped on it, the turkey looked fine: if your ignored the thick blue syrupy thing oozing out of it, even the salad looked terrifying, Zoro and Mihawk had to congratulate Perona for making the food look even worse than the last time, although both males refused to take a bite.

"This is my master piece, it's better than the last time. Zoro, Old man what are you waiting for, dig in." Mihawk would ignore the old man comment this time, although it was probably because his face was turning green at the thought of eating that 'thing' she called food. He turned to his son, and Zoro was in the same predicament as him, Zoro was wondering whether or not he would need to get his stomach pumped, as well as if the takeout he had ordered and told Brook to hide had arrived, there was no way he was going to eat this, he was too young to die dammit! He turned to Mihawk and silently begged him to eat his share, the said father gave him a look that said 'heck if I'll eat that'.

Shanks, Ace, Smoker and Franky looked at the father and son duo that were having a silent argument over who would eat the food, and Shanks was sure the food was not as bad as it looked, luckily Zoro broke the silence.

"Oi, Shanks, how bout you take a bite first." His comment earned him a glare from Mihawk.

"He is not eating that, why don't you eat it first, you are her brother after all, it's your duty to eat her food." The father and son duo started bickering over who would eat the food, and Shanks had a feeling the food was worse than it looked. Luffy who was getting impatient decided to try the turkey first, he immediately regretted the decision when he found out the turkey tasted like charcoal and sugar. He made his first mistake of the night when he decided to voice out his opinion on the food.

"The meat tastes like charcoal, Perona you are not allowed to cook…" before he could finish his statement he found himself being thrown into the nearest wall knocking him unconscious instantly. The dining room went silent, Trafalgar was considering going to check if his boyfriend was okay, but the look Perona was giving him rivaled the devil and he decided that it would be best not to leave his seat.

"Roronoa perhaps you should eat the food, your sister made, it would make her feel better."

"Like hell Old man! I'm not eating until you do, oi Law eat Luffy's share." Law nodded somberly while Mihawks eyebrow twitched at the 'old man' comment.

Ace who assumed the food couldn't be as bad as they all made it look, decide to take a bite of the eggs, he immediately fell asleep, and Smoker was frantically trying to wake up his fiancé who looked unconscious. Shanks and Franky were starting to panic, neither Zoro or Mihawk had taken a bite of the food, the father and son duo were looking at their plates in horror praying for the food to disappear, Robin's plate was mysteriously empty, no one was going to ask what she did because the brunette was scary like that.

Angel decided to play the cute card Ace had thought her; she looked at Perona with eyes full of unshed tears, her lower lip quivering, her face was the picture of sad puppy, she looked at Perona and told the pinkette she couldn't eat the food, Perona smiled and ruffled the blue haired child's hair and told her it was okay.

"The hell, how come you don't get to eat this thing?"

"Eh, Uncle Zoro, you want to eat mine for me?"

"Like Hell!"

"Roronoa you should stop complaining and eat your food."

"No way Old man, just eat the food and die, it's your time anyway." A tick appeared on Mihawk forehead, he was contemplating strangling his son, Shanks decided to calm his lover down. "Oi, Smoker, Franky, why aren't you eating yet."

"Zoro-bro, I'm scared,"

"Gaki, you haven't eaten your either."

"Like hell I'm eating this, I just got my stomach pumped last week; I'm not repeating it again." Trafalgar was still staring at his and Luffy's portion mentally berating himself for coming to the damned family dinner, if only he had stayed in his apartment he wouldn't be in this situation, he had thought Perona wasn't as strong as the rest of them, now he felt stupid for forgetting that she was raised by Mihawk, it was only natural she had superhuman strength, the chances of him escaping this unharmed was close to zero.

Zoro looked around the dinner table; so far the only one who had escaped this horror was Ace, Luffy, Robin and his God daughter Angel. The rest of them were obviously planning their next move, this had turned from a family bonding dinner to a fucking battlefield thanks to Perona's cooking.

"Oi, Perona, if I do that ridiculous photo shoot you've been yapping about.." her attention immediately shifted to her brother, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Of course, I'll go get the catalog so we decide on what outfits you would wear." She stormed out of the room. Mihawk looked at his son as if he had betrayed him; Zoro simply gave him an evil smirk.

"Roronoa, how dare you take advantage of your sister's project?"

"Old man, there is no way I'm eating this, I already ordered takeout." His statement earn him a plate of multicolored eggs thrown at his face, which eventually escalated to a full blown food fight.

They never could have a civil family dinner anyway.


	3. Chapter 2

**Playing house Chapter Two** – Kids are the devil in disguise.

Zoro loved his god daughter, and would so anything for her, the said brat was a manipulative six year old whose mission in life was to make his as miserable as possible. In retrospect he really shouldn't have thought her self-defense or the basics of sword fighting. The damn brat was a prodigy who leant very fast and now he was on his way to school because she had beaten up some of her classmates and upper classmen; and dubbed herself the queen bee of the class.

Robin and Ace had asked him to go to the school because it was his fault for giving her all those women empowerment speeches as well as teaching her how to fight. The only reason he give her those damned speeches was because some jerk of a classmate told her women were weak which made her cry. He was so regretting is decision now.

He was a few minutes away from the school and he realized the meeting was at 1 and it was just 12:30, what the hell was he supposed to do till one? Why were the upperclassmen so weak anyway, he didn't teach her much, they should have been able to stand their ground, not that he wanted her to be defeated but still how the hell does a six years old lady beat up nine males with only self defense and the basics of sword fighting. Their parents should be ashamed of themselves.

He arrived at the school, parked his car and was walking to the head masters office when he saw a bunch of kids who were no older than ten picking on a kid who looked half their age, he was considering sending his god daughter to kick their asses. He sighed and walked up to the group, glared at the bullies who ran away in fright.

On the ground was a small kid who was probably five, he was covered in dirt and bruises, the kid looked so fragile and friendly. He carried him to the closest place he could find somewhere to seat, which happed to be their play ground.

"Oi, Kid are you okay?" soft sniffing noises were heard and Zoro realized the kid was crying. "Does that happen to you often? The kid responded with a nod. "You know you should learn to defend yourself"

"I..I don't like fighting." Zoro sighed, the kid raised his head and on closer look the kid looked kinda adorable, he looked like someone who should have lots of friends.

"Where are your friends?" The kid looked down sadly and replied "I don't have any friends; they all think I'm a weirdo."

"Why, you look like a nice and smart kid to me."

"They say I look like a small animal" he replied wiping the tears off his face.

"You don't look like a small animal to me, you look like a friendly kid to me and I'm sure my niece would love to be your friend."

"Really" the kid asked, his eyes filled with happiness and expectation. Zoro chuckled at the kid, somehow he felt responsible for the kid. "Yep, she is six, I thought her self-defense and she could help you fight the bullies."

"She wouldn't laugh at me?"

"Nope, I think she would find you cute though" Zoro replied teasingly. The kid did a weird dance while saying "That doesn't make me happy you jerk" although he was clearly happy, Zoro laughed at the kids antics.

"So what's your name Kiddo?"

"Chopper"

"My name's Zoro, my Niece is Angel."

"Angel? The one that beat all those boys?"

"You've heard of her?"

"Yea, everyone knows her, you said you thought her how to fight?"

"Yea I only though her self-defense and the basics of sword fighting though."

"COOL" Chopper replied his eyes filled with stars. The bell rang and a Blue haired lady who had been watching the two walked up to them. "Mummy!" Chopper yelled clinging to the blue haired lady.

"Hi, I'm Choppers mom, you are?" she asked Zoro, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Roronoa Zoro, I came to pick up my niece and saw some kids bullying him." Chopper hid his face; he hadn't told her about the bullies.

"Choppy, you're being bullied? Is that how you've been getting those bruises?" chopper nodded sadly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"They said you are a bad person because of your tattoos." Nojiko sighed; this was the second school Chopper was being bullied because of her tattoos. "Choppy you know I'm not a bad person, don't let what they say affect you, don't worry soon you'll make a friend."

"You could be friend with my niece; you seem like a nice kid." Zoro cut in. "Speaking of which I have to go get the damned brat, Can you give me thirty minutes I have to go pick the brat from the head masters office." Zoro stomped towards what he assumed was he office.  
>"Mr Zoro… you're going the wrong way." Chopper yelled, Zoro stopped briefly and turned to the right direction.<p>

Minutes Later, Zoro was carrying a blue haired girl on his shoulder, the kid looked almost the same age as chopper, the two were arguing over Angel punishment.

"Why the fuck do I have to be the one, that attends all those stupid disciplinary meetings anyway."

"Language uncle Zoro, mummy said you shouldn't curse near kids."

"You are smart enough to know not to curse, besides you're not a kid, you're an adult."

The two continued arguing till they got to where Chopper and Nojiko were. Zoro introduced Angel to the two and Chopper seemed to like Angel, after a few minutes of small talk Angel decided.

"Yosh, I've made up my mind. You will be my king." She exclaimed pointing at chopper, Zoro blinked repeatedly in shock.

"How the hell did you get that idea."  
>"The TV said that a queen needs a king, so I've decided to make chopper my king." Zoro looked shocked, Nojiko chucked while Chopper looked confused as he didn't understand what Angel meant. "Besides Uncle Shanks and Uncle Ace said it was better to get a lover early"<p>

"Those idiots, you are too young to listen to what they say."  
>"But you said I was an adult few minutes ago."<p>

"I changed my mind, You are six years old, you are too young to be thinking of such things, wait twenty more years."

"Eh! But by then I would be old like you, and Uncle Shanks said the reason you are alone is because you are old."

"I'm killing that bastard when we get back."


End file.
